Wednesday, August 1, 2012

WENSDOM: Me, myself, and I!

Today I was talking with one of my friends and she shared with me her feelings on being single. At first she sounded as though she was treating the situation like it was a problem. This mentality always puzzles me. Why do us young women talk about being single like it's a medical problem that can fixed after applying a certain amount of steps to our lives? Being single, while can be lonely at times, is not a medical condition, I assure you. It's not a problem at all, or at least shouldn't be viewed as such. As people, not just young women, we need to be able to be alone in order to be with someone else. It's when we're alone that we learn who we are. It's when we grow, change, and come to understand what we want and need from other people. We can't let the constraints of societal concepts of quote on quote "needing someone" hinder us from enjoying life no matter what our relationship status is. This summer was the first summer since my senior year of school in which I was single for the entire time. Not even one of those weird flings that lasts a few weeks, nothing...and I LOVED every minute of it. I needed it, I think. 

I really got to thinking and you know I think the best piece of advice I ever got from someone on being single, is when my mom told me times are different now. Women aren't expected to get married right out of high school, they can go to college, start and have careers, move to a different country, change their perspective, and just revel in their freedom for as long as they choose. We really shouldn't sell ourselves short when it comes to that department. Love will find us and love will be so kind to us when it does, if we just live our lives. We can't wish the days away. We need to focus our energy while single not on finding the next relationship, but on bettering ourselves. Pick up hobbies, learn and really devote to mastering a trade, make new friends, change up the pace, and most importantly be happy for other people because it'll be hard watching as we get further into our twenties our friends getting married before us and starting families but we'll have to be happy for them. Also, don't put a timeframe on when you want certain things in your life like a marriage and a family, you'll find you really can't control that. It may happen sooner than you expected or later than you expected, but believe me it'll happen when it's supposed to. I also wouldn't look at that as settling down, I'd look at that as stating yet another journey only this time with someone else.

So ladies promise yourself to not be too hard on yourselves, to not fall victim to needing a relationship, and to allow yourself to enjoy being single. Get to knowing yourself and get to loving yourself! And for the nights that are really lonely tune into the wonderful show of True Blood there's a guy for everyone! I'm team Bill, while Phaedra's team Eric, and our friend Maddie who came to visit, she's team Jason!       



  1. I really love this post- I am single right now but I am perfectly happy to be. I have never understood why some girls feel the NEED to be with a boyfriend. I think it's important to be able to stand on your own two feet & learn the value of yourself as an individual.

    I used to have this discussion ALL the time with a friend who was always in unfulfilling relationships because she was to afraid to be single! That is mind boggling to me.

    And your mum is absolutely right, as mothers often are, we are lucky now that we have so many more freedoms than our female predecessors and can choose to live our lives as we see fit rather than expect to be married off as soon as we come of age. Great post x

    1. Thank you for the kind words! I'm so glad to hear you're also an example of a young independent happy woman!!